I’m okay…

After reading Nicole‘s post…
One paragraph got me pondering…

*****

I’ve always have friends by my side, telling me how they feel about me.

Pris (during granny’s wake):
Stay strong, that’s you.

Bday card:
I’ve never seen you feeling down (or in my own explanation: clinically depressed). i know you would be back and fine, immediately.

These are just 2 examples of what my friends have said to me, which i never realized that i’ve given them such an impression of me.

It’s true that i wouldn’t go depress for more than a week or two, but that’s because i’ve friends around me helping, nagging and dragging me out of it.

And i appreciate all those who helped, nagged and dragged.

But…
At times, i do wanna be depressed and comforted, instead of being the comforter.

I’ve ever told Sean (in similar context):
“I wanna be depress, sink in depression and self-pity… indulge in it and get it out and through… but when i try to do it, almost immediately i’m jotted back to reality, by everyone and anyone…”

Sometimes i feel…
People expect me to be strong, not for my own sake but for their sake…

Perhaps it helps them with their own problems and life.

And because i’m the kind who gets myself in shit-load of troubles, yet able to walk out of it and seemed nonchalant.

That’s because…
I’m brought up in a strange way by my both previously military personnel parents… To be independent and fend for myself, because they were almost never around when i needed someone to talk or they often ‘brushed’ off.

To my dearest friends and all others…
I’m okay and will be, most of the time…
But i do have moments i feel depressed, need to be alone and shut everyone out

I’ll be back on my feet but i’ll need time too… to embrace and learn. Only after that, i’ll truly learn to be stronger and be a better person.

*****

Lunch.

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