Thoughts: When sleep eluded me

At 2.40am, sleep eluded me and having mom nagged over the reading light, made it escaped even further.

Not even sure why exactly but I’m guessing a ton of stuff contributed to it. e.g being deadlines for posts and reviews, interpersonal relationships, getting bitten by mozzies and well… likely yet to recover from Aussie trip.

Sometimes I wonder if things could have been handled better, especially when it comes to interpersonal relationships.

At times it just felt as though whatever I say or might say comes out interpreted wrongly and the more I explain, the less others are willing to listen. Or when I don’t think it’s said wrongly, others understood / assumed the worst and it ended being perplexing.

So…

I don’t know what else should I say or do but to just keep mum.

It might seem a cheap way to handle things but if it just seem to help ease the situation, why not? How much more wrong can I do, if I keep quiet and let negativity subside?

And it’s not because I heartless or care less.

Instead I think I care too much, or so someone once said. If not, why would I be up now :/

No one enjoys a confrontation, that’s for sure.

And most of the time, others hardly notice if the situation feels funny or tensed, so perhaps the sensitive ones will understand or ask.

I really don’t know but sometimes dealing with some, felt like tracking on ice, scary. Others, I don’t know how they think towards me, for everyone has a different concept of how their friends should be and hold on to that tightly.

You just can’t or couldn’t find means to make things be understood. It’s easier to just accept them as they are than make them understand where you are coming from. Less confusing for them too… Thus the perplexing situation and my keeping mum.

Well, I don’t know what’s done right and not…
It’s all by trial and error, since there’s no guide to interpersonal skills that works for each unique individual and their mindset.

But I’m glad those who care enough and stick around, e.g Genette, Dan and the rest, care enough to understand and allow me to do my part in making friendship work.

I’m not sorry for being who i am, imperfect.
But if one is willing to see past it all and attempt to understand me, I’ll meet them half way or even more.

Okay, enough of my blabbing for this wee hour.